Ever Been Told You Don’t Have What It Takes?

I wavered back and forth for several days and then decided to give myself permission to tell this story.

As much I tried to keep this story on the proverbial back burner, it kept creeping up to the forefront of my mind.  You know, like an itch you just have to scratch.

Writing about negative issues or emotions isn’t really my style.  But I do like to write about topics that can help people so that’s what I’m hoping will happen here.

Some months ago, I got a disturbing and hurtful email message from an extremely successful, well known online marketer – a recognized expert in her niche.

I had been on her subscriber list for quite a while, joined in numerous conversations on her blog, purchased some of her products and programs, and was under the impression that we had a solid and friendly relationship.  At a minimum, I thought we shared a mutual respect for one another as online marketers and professionals.

When I opened her email, it was filled with the most discouraging and depressing words.  I asked her to review something for me that I wanted to use a part of an information product or possibly a “free taste” offer for my target audience.

In a nutshell, she said I probably wouldn’t amount to much of anything in the arena of online marketing.

I didn’t have what it takes.  She didn’t see much hope for me since I was trying to market on a shoestring budget.  It takes money to make money, you know! (Of course, she was wrong about that)

She took credit for the success of hundreds of her students and told me that I didn’t possess the right kind of mindset for achieving online success.

Was the problem really mindset?  Or not a fat enough wallet?

Words are powerful – far more powerful than guns and ammunition.

I’m grateful for the words she wrote.  Just the ammo I needed!  Now I am more driven than ever to have the success I cherish and deserve.

{mysig}

  • Hi Melanie –
    Bravo to you for coming back after such a discouraging interaction with such a positive attitude! As another shoestring marketer (working with a lot of shoestring clients) I can completely relate to the disconnect you’re seeing in the guru world. It’s sad – and speaks all the more powerfully in favor of the teachers who remember their shoestring days. The inner strength and spirit you’re demonstrating are far more “what it takes” than any well-padded bank balance ever will be.

    • I’m so happy you stopped by, Phila!

      I’m hugging your comments right now and I’m going to savor them all day long. 🙂

      Yes, sometimes there’s a monumental disconnect with those that are rolling in the dough. I don’t resent them or anything of the kind. I think it’s wonderful to be at that level of success! However, I don’t think it’s so wonderful to get there at the expense of others.

      Thank you for such eloquent and encouraging thoughts!
      Melanie

  • Hey Andrew – so glad to see you here!

    Talking about “checks”, here’s my motto …

    “All the yesterdays are canceled checks.”

    I have certainly learned a lot from this experience and I can also learn to put it behind me. Anyway, I have bigger and better things to do – like having wonderful conversations and interactions with my fellow blogging challenge friends! 🙂

  • Rob ~

    You’re head, my friend, is screwed on straight. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about marketing a business on a super slim budget. As a matter of fact, free marketing strategies work BETTER than paid marketing! Continue giving value, Rob, and hang on (tight!) to your self worth. You’re traveling down the right path!

    Bobbye ~

    “A gift of energy, of motivation, of determination” – I’m wrapping my brain and my heart right around those words! Thank You!

  • Melanie, looks like you and I may have had the same mentor at one point! When my pocket book closed, so did the treaching/training/encouragement/just about anything else!

    As sad as it is, seems like there are more than a couple of people who experienced what we did.

    As wise man once told me, “as long as the check clears, does it really matter what the non believers think?”
    .-= Andrew Poletto´s last blog ..Post #19: How Green Is Your Grass? =-.

  • Wow Melanie, I know how that hurts. Words DO have enormous power. That is one of the reasons I am so passionate about guiding people in a process of being more mindful about their words, and specifically words’ power to STRENGTHEN you. And coming from the heart.

    There are many paths. Many paths to online success, many paths to a spiritual center, many paths to living a full and purposeful life. Your path is part of the gift you bring to the party. Think about it: YOUR message is CRUCIAL for the people who can only hear it from you. It was perhaps good to learn of this person’s bias now, before you got too connected. It never feels good to hear such negative and deflating from someone you respected and thought respected you. But look it as a gift of energy, of motivation, of determination to make your voice heard and your beautiful heart visible to those who NEED to hear your message from you. You are a star.
    Bobbye Middendorf
    The Write Synergies Guru
    .-= Bobbye Middendorf´s last blog ..Content Plus Community Blog Challenge Post 15 =-.

  • Lots of us struggle along on a shoestring budget, because what else are you going to do until you ‘make it’? How dare anyone tell someone they don’t have what it takes? All it really takes is integrity and commitment and believing in yourself. Using the discouraging word as rocket fuel is just the right way to go with this.
    Never give up, never give in.
    I give away so much value, and I know it will all come back to me, and I better keep doing that because no matter what my net worth, I need to keep my self worth…
    That marketer lost hers, and a customer.
    .-= Rob Britt´s last blog ..Vitamin C – Over Rated and Totally Unnecessary? =-.

  • Marcia ~

    Do you, by any chance, do mind reading on the side? 🙂

    I share every one of your thoughts here. And there’s a whole lot to be said for “tact”, don’t you think? When asked, I’ve offered up my fair share of constructive criticism. However, the last thing I ever want to do is pound somebody into the ground. Building a small business is challenging enough.

    I was hoping you would share in this conversation, so Thank You!

    Melanie

  • OUCH! I can feel the sting from way over here.

    Melanie, while I do believe in investing in oneself, I also KNOW of many many many people who have made it big online with a shoestring budget — in fact, lots of them tell this as their “back story” while still encouraging their peeps to spend lots — on their courses & products.

    Authentic coaches and marketers have products and services at all price points, and free stuff too, so they can serve at all levels. I don’t believe in telling people to jump in the pond and spend big so they can make more, as more often than not, this leads to a depletion of resources with little to show for it. Often I advise my clients to stop spending so much.

    And furthermore, EVEN IF she was correct in all of her assumptions, there’s no excuse for delivering the message the way she did. Encouragement should be a prerequisite, don’t you think?

    Thank you for sharing your story. I know it will help more people to hear it, and in the telling, soften the sting for you. You know she’s wrong, don’t you? I think you’re doing just what you should be doing!

    Marcia
    .-= Marcia Hoeck´s last blog ..Setting Goals and Actually Achieving Them, Even If You Question the Rules =-.

  • Martha ~

    You better believe I’ve got those blinders on … and they fit like a glove! 🙂 Thank you, Martha, for your positive encouragement. You’re a keeper!

    Heather ~

    Please do a post about using words to encourage children – parents need to get their hands on this type of life-changing and role-modeling information!

    “Turn it around and use it as motivation” – You hit the nail on the head! That’s exactly what I’m doing. Who knows? If I hadn’t had this experience, maybe my determination and energy level might not be high as it is right now.

    Have a Wonderful Wednesday, not a Wacky one!
    Melanie

  • Melanie, So sorry you had this experience! Put your blinders back on. Concentrate on your own biz. You are doing a fantastic job! You are moving forward each and every day. Your goals are your goals. You’ll achieve all you want AND MORE because you are an action taker. Rock on sister!
    .-= Martha Giffen´s last blog ..Copywriting – Part Two (The Rules) =-.

  • Good for you Melanie WooHoo.
    Turn it around and use it as motivation.
    I agree about words having power.
    Isn’t it interesting – I was thinking of this subject for a post this week but about using words to encourage children – (great minds!)
    I wonder what this woman’s motivation was? As a teacher I always look at how to help the student get to their goal, rather than tell them they better not even try. She had a great opportunity right there to help and support you rather than being hurtful.
    Maybe it was good that you found out what this person was really like so that now you can surround yourself with people who care about you and not just your money. xx
    .-= Heather Bestel´s last blog ..Connie Green’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 18 and still going strong =-.