• First of all, this post reminded me to use Cinch more often!

    Secondly, only because it’s you did I even click on this in your sidebar…anybody else, I would be thinking it would be the same ol’ same ol’ like you mentioned – boring!

    I love your idea here and shared this post so that others can take heed as well!!

    Licious πŸ˜‰

    • I knew I was taking a GIGANTIC risk using this blog post title, Kesha. Believe me, I thought about it more than ten times before I hit the publish button. πŸ™‚

      But I banked on the fact that my loyal readership (thanks, everyone!) would click through anyway. And they did! Amen.

      What was fabulous fun for me was the opportunity to help some of the wonderful members of my community here to re-vamp their opt in headlines. Everyone took my suggestions and made the changes.

      Talk about a party! It was a blast!

      Thank you kindly for sharing this post and I’m glad you got a little gentle reminder to start using Cinch again. I need to put podcasting into action a lot more often.

      Hugs to ya, Licious! πŸ˜‰

  • At least “5 reasons to work with Melanie” is an offer, albeit a self serving and non effective one.

    What kills me is that I still see opt in boxes without an offer at all, only the “subscribe to my newsletter” option.

    Nobody needs another newsletter in their inbox, no matter how wonderful the content, unless you make it enticing with a really great offer like you point out, Melanie.

    • I agree with you 100%, Daphne!

      We’re all receiving far too much email as it is and the majority of it is (pardon my language) … frivolous promotional B.S. πŸ™

      Give your target audience something they can sink their teeth into!

      I enjoyed YOUR opt in offer so much, Daphne, I’ve got the copy I printed out right here in front of me on my desk. It’s something I’ll be referring back to again and again.

      And my readers should get their hands on it, too. That is, if they’re interested in learning how to …

      “Turn Your Website Into A Lead Generating Machine”

      Would you be kind enough to share the link with us?

      Thank you!

      • Thank you so much, Melanie. I am glad it is helpful to you.

        If anyone else is interested in getting the report “Turn Your Website Into A Lead Generating Machine”, they can check out


        Thanks for asking :-)!

        • Appreciate the return visit, Daphne — thank you.

          I want to encourage (nudge, prod, impel, urge!) my readers to click http://webpresencesimplified.com and get a copy of your report!

          Like you, I’m not a fan of cold calling or chasing clients. Big YUCK. I loved the section in your report entitled, “Create an Ethical Bribe”. It ties beautifully into the message I wanted to convey in this post. πŸ™‚

          Thanks again,

  • What a truly wonderful example of what I often say to my clients, when I’m speaking or whenever it’s needed…and that is: “It’s so not about you!”

    The title is SO intriguing that it invites people to come and see WHO would think it’s all about them…smile So kudos to you Melanie for using this example to attract interest and teach an awesome lesson! (as always…smile)


    • I’m glad you’re *smiling*, Chris!

      I knew this title could potentially turn people off (big time).

      But I took the risk anyway because I felt the message was one that needed to be heard. And what better approach than to lead by example, right? πŸ™‚

      It’s getting harder and harder for online marketers and entrepreneurs to be seen through all the “fog” on the net. So one of the best ways to get the fog to lift is to offer your potential customers and clients a freebie they can’t resist.

      Thanks for joining in the conversation!

  • Hi Melanie,

    I really like cinch.fm and it doesn’t hurt that it ranks very highly on Google as well. Wonderful idea of incorporating a cinch in your post. Amazing how much good stuff you covered in 1.26 minutes!

    I have several opt in pages. Two are: http://qualitycustomersatisfaction.com, and http://yvonneajonesseo.com designed for offline business owners who want to increase their visibility online. Your feedback would be appreciated on whichever you choose.

    Looking forward to spending more time looking at some of the sites you’ve critiqued. Thanks, Melanie.

    • Hi Yvonne!

      Thanks so much for sharing your opt in offers with us. πŸ™‚

      Let’s take a look at your “customer satisfaction” eCourse offer.

      Even though you have BEAUTIFULLY mapped out precisely what your free 7-day eCourse entails, guess what? Some people won’t take the time to read it all the way through. Sad, but true.


      That’s a great title!

      Let’s begin your copywriting tweak by eliminating this line:

      “Fill in your Name and E-mail to receive your 1st lesson today. It’s 100% FREE!”

      You’ve alread stated it’s “No Cost” and people will automatically know to fill in their name and email address to receive your lessons.

      So let’s see what we can do to add a little spark to the title of your opt in offer …

      Let’s change it to:

      “Claim Your NO COST 7-Day Customer Loyalty eCourse and Receive Your 1st Lesson Today!”

      That ought to do the trick! πŸ™‚

      Hope this helps,

      P. S. Your online visibility/client attraction page needs no tweaking — Love it!

      • Thanks for the critique, Melanie. I made the changes you recommended to http://qualitycustomersatisfaction.com and will be happy to give you my feedback in a couple of weeks. πŸ™‚

        • Way to go, Yvonne — that’s the spirit!

          I hope everyone here has learned something about you through this copywriting tweak experience that I already know …

          You’re an action-taker. πŸ™‚

          Keep us posted on your results. That’s the best part!

          And, of course, you’re a savvy online marketer who knows you’re going to need to do your part to “promote” this page in order to get your desired results.

          Since you were such a good sport about going along with the changes I suggested, Yvonne, here’s what I’m going to do to get the “promo” ball rolling …

          I’m going to head over to ping (dot) fm and promote your free 7-day customer satisfaction eCourse to all 14 of my networks.

          You see, I’m going to pretend you’re a “customer” of mine who just purchased one of my copywriting services. The promo I’m going to do for you is my way of showing appreciation for your business and hopefully create some customer loyalty. πŸ˜‰

          Thanks for having fun with me,

          • Okay, Yvonne — I got the promo ball rolling, as promised!

            Just pinged out this message on your behalf …

            “Without customers, you have no biz. Get a “No Cost 7-Day Customer Satisfaction eCourse” from customer service expert, Yvonne Jones! http://ping.fm/Xl6NU

            Now it’s your turn. πŸ™‚

  • Thanks Melanie!

    I will be making the changes to my optin box.

    I have found that I get clicks in the optin box on the bottom of the post and none when I put it in the sidebar.

    But I do like your suggestion for giving that chance to the lazy reader. I have been wanting to test putting the offer there with no optin box on the front page…just the offer. Then when you click the offer the optin form shows up.

    Offering this as a service? Sounds like a good idea. I have had several requests to review copy and I don’t even do that sort of thing. You could review sales pages, optin pages, headlines, taglines and so on. A simple paypal system works really great for these kind of simple transactions.

    I always appreciate your help, your the best.

    • You’re welcome, Sheila — my pleasure!

      “I have been wanting to test putting the offer there with no optin box on the front page…just the offer. Then when you click the offer the optin form shows up.”

      Sounds like a really good idea to test out. Let me know if you decide to experiment with doing it this way and what kind of results you get, okay?

      Really appreciate your encouraging words and tip on setting up a simple paypal system for services. I’ll be knocking on your door if I need some help!


  • Okay, I have my new optin box on….can’t figure out why my book cover did not show up. But I would love to have your critique.

    I’ll check back to see what you have to say.

    • Love you, Sheila — you’re a woman of your word. Thanks for coming back.

      I really enjoy doing copywriting tweaks. Maybe I should think about sending my biz in that direction. πŸ™‚

      Okay, let’s get to work on the title of your opt-in offer!

      You’re on the right track, for sure. Kudos! Now stick with me here and follow my thinking, okay?

      I’m going to pretend I’m landing on your blog for the first time. I’m too lazy to poke around a bit, find out more about your awesomeness, and I don’t even want to take the time to read a couple of posts. I’m busy and I’m in a hurry.

      SO … my eyes start traveling around the page to see if you’re offering me anything for free (you do know that lots and lots of new visitors behave this way, right?)

      Great! I found your opt-in offer. Looks kind of interesting but I’m not sure it’s anything I really need.

      “Fabulous free tools at your fingertips. Some tools you didn’t even know you needed.”

      I’m curious. But I’m not sold.

      Let’s fix that little dilemma, Sheila. Allow me to make a suggestion for the second line .. first. Have it read this way …

      Some tools you didn’t even KNOW you needed!
      (all caps for the word, “know”, and an exclamation point at the end. Pack a punch with that line)

      Now let’s see what we can do with the first line …

      I LOVE that you’re offering me “fabulous” and “free” tools but “what kind” of tools are they?? Social media marketing tools? WordPress tools? Blogging tools? A hammer and a drill??

      So find the appropriate word/s to place in the blank space of “Fabulous free —-? tools at your fingertips” and you, my friend, have got a winner! πŸ™‚

      One other tiny bonus tip (no charge!) …

      Keep your opt-in box positioned where you currently have it (at the bottom of your posts) but I would strongly suggest you also place it in your sidebar right under your photo (in case some “lazy” visitor comes by who doesn’t bother to read your post).

      Hope this helps,

  • Well I think that is pretty darn clever Melanie! You got me curious enough to click and find out so I think that is an awesome example of how to write compeling titles.

    I can say that is one of my weaknesses, is coming up with ‘verbiage’ that is exciting, peaks interest and curiosity. But you are right, we have to think of those that we are wanting to connect with.

    Really enjoyed this awesome tip and the advice is spot on!

    • Great to have your input, Lynn!

      As I mentioned to someone else here, using this title was pretty risky. I KNEW most people would read it and say, “What the heck is she thinking?!”

      But I really wanted to make a statement and I think I accomplished that. I just came in through the “back door” this time and offered up a BAD example — of both a lead generator and a blog post title! πŸ™‚

      I’ve got a little tip for you and a free resource I don’t know if you’d tried yet or not. It’s great for folks who get a little stumped on “verbiage”. I’ve talked about it a few times in the past so forgive me is this is a re-run.

      Try this headline analyzer. It measures the “Emotional Marketing Value” of your words. Let me know if it helps in any way.



  • Wonderfully creative post, Melanie. You’re right on. Our opt-in offers have to be what our readers want . . . something that solves a problem they have . . . something that offers them value. And, yes, the title needs to reflect that. Our offer is reader-centered, but I’m not sure that the title is as compelling as it could be (although we do get a lot of subscribers). It’s called the WAHM Success Kit and we list the titles of what they get in the kit as well (31 Ways to Manage Your Time as a Successful Mom Entrepreneur, The Time Tips Tracker, Work at Home Tips from 31 Successful Mom Entrepreneurs, The Balance Exercise, plus an audio and our newsletter).

    • Thanks for the ‘creativity’ kudos, Leanne!

      I’ve read your “WAHM Success Kit” (more than once!) and it’s stuffed to the gills with goodies and goodness. It doesn’t surprise me you get a steady flow of subscribers. πŸ™‚

      From a copywriting standpoint, I don’t think you need to tweak a thing. You played it smart by listing the titles of the content of your kit. So you’ve made it crystal clear what’s included.

      Your opt in offer definitely speaks to your target audience, it’s compelling, and it provides solutions.

      Very nicely done — you rock!


  • Hi Melanie,

    I loved the Cinch recording. It makes you so much more real.

    I have to take a look at my optin boxes too. They could be much more interesting and irresistible. And since you are an expert at headlines, I will be back to throw some ideas around for my new offer.

    • It’s a date, Sheila!

      See you tomorrow.

      Comforting to know I seem more “real”. πŸ™‚


  • Pingback: ()

  • Thanks for the great BAD example, Melanie. It’s certainly more appealing to be serving instead of self-serving.

    • Hi Jeannette,

      You better believe this is a BAD example of a lead generator! I’d even say it’s ABOMINABLE!

      Thanks so much for being here today and for posting a comment for me over at LinkedIn. πŸ™‚


  • Hi Melanie –
    Great recording. Something new and fresh. And what a solid message too. Love the way you drew me into this post and made your point hit home! You are so clever.

    My opt-in title is: β€œFree eCourse! Smart Tips For Getting A Mentor!” And I’ll be the first to admit people are not signing up in droves. And although I do get sign-ups, it’s not exactly irresistible.

    You’ve got me thinking big time about tweaking it. Thanks for such a wonderful little nudge!


    • Hi T,

      I knew I was taking a BIG risk with this blog post title. I held my breath as I hit the publish button! LOL

      Glad you listened in and thanks for being the first brave soul to share your lead generator!

      Not saying this just because I love you, but I thoroughly enjoyed your free eCourse — tons of value! I wouldn’t hesitate to encourage people to get their hands on it — something they’d actually appreciate finding in their inbox. πŸ™‚

      Let’s see what we can do to “polish up” the title a bit so you can start getting those “droves” of subscribers (which you deserve, BTW) …

      NO pressure to make these changes (okay?) but I’d like to suggest changing the word, “Smart” to “Powerful” or “Expert” ( or something that’s a little more meaty).

      And maybe instead of saying “A” Mentor …

      How about “The Right Mentor For You”? (just to really “personalize” your message — speak directly to your target audience).

      You could even give some thought to going a totally new direction with your eCourse offer and use something along these lines in your opt in box (I know I’m nuts when it comes to copywriting, but play along with me, okay?) …

      “Is Your Business One Sandwich Short Of A Picnic? You Need The Right Mentor. Powerful Tips In My Free eCourse!”

      Okay, it’s pretty raw — but I’m just thinking out loud.

      Hope this helps and I’ll see ya soon over at Big Fish Top Dogs!


      • Brave soul? I know a great offer when I see one. Glad I was first in line. Really glad… your ideas are perfect!

        And guess what? It’s done. Your first suggestion anyway. I really love it. I’d say β€œwhy didn’t I think of that?” but where does that get me?

        What I will say is β€œWow! Melanie Kissell really knows her stuff!”

        I will give some thought to going in a new direction. Your ideas are really fun. I see where you’re going with it. Always a good idea to test everything. Although you know how it goes. Sometimes you get something done and then you just leave it. That’s why I loved your post so much. And I do not mind saying I need help. Ever.

        Thank you soooo much Mel. Hug and kisses back at you. I’ll keep you posted on results!


        btw… thanks for your wonderful feedback on the course. And Jack told me to say “hi”. πŸ™‚

        • That makes my day, Theresa — thanks!

          I’m really pleased you liked some of my ideas. Sometimes all it really takes is another pair of eyes (or two) to come up with a fresh approach and a positive transformation.

          Little did you know …

          You got my $250 Copywriting Coaching Session — for FREE! LOL!

          Gotta get me one of those “Tips” jars for my blog. πŸ™‚

          Hugs and kisses back at ya and give a few over to Jack Blue!


          P.S. Keith is going to have a field day with this one. πŸ™‚

  • Ha ha! You got me! Well, because I KNOW the kind of AWSOME work you do, I did click the arrow, but you are right, if a person dones’t know the work you do, they won’t click. You are an original and I’ve seen one or two people trying to copy your style (comics, etc) but I think people have to find their own style… but as they say: When someone copies you it is some kind of a flattery…
    Sending hugs and keep up the good work my Facebook friend!

    Juracy from Baja

    • Hey Juracy!

      Gotcha! LOL!

      Didn’t know anyone was trying to copy my goofy style but I’ll definitely take that as a compliment! πŸ™‚

      So tickled you stopped by,

  • Clever as always Melanie. Loved the cinch audio and the tips. Will be rechecking my opt ins – wherever possible try and focus on results but slip ups happen!

    • Howdy Maureen!

      Glad you listened in to the Cinchcast — thanks. I haven’t done an audio post in what feels like a hundred years so I thought it might be nice to change things up a bit and break with tradition. πŸ™‚

      If nothing else, I hope this little post will encourage people to re-examine their lead generators and re-vamp them or replace them if necessary.

      Love you!

  • Hi Melanie,

    First off, it’s a treat to be able to put a voice to those well-spoken comments!

    Yep, cruddy, crummy opt-in non-calls-to-action are exactly why I keep my email address to myself. The titles suck. The offering suck. And I (usually) imagine what’s coming back after passing out my email . . . also sucks!

    Good job pointing it up. I hope folk will click on the arrow to hear what you have to say about the whole deal, then do something about their’s. (Nope, I don’t have one. My opt-in is for current clients, it’s a paid subscription at the moment.)

    Talk soon!

    • Three cheers for you, Vernessa, and I love your spunk!

      Truth be told …

      Many of us are no longer willing to part with our precious and personal contact details nearly as freely as we used to!

      Inboxes are over-stuffed as it is and hype-y crap keeps crawling out from the woodwork. The LAST thing any one of us needs is yet another email!

      Talk at ya soon! And keep me in the loop on your project management project, okay? Sounds wonderful.


  • WOO-WOO!
    Not only is this an example of the opt-in box I see most of the time, it covers the fact that folks tell us they have a great written post- and we are bombarded with music and voice!
    And, I think you need to clear your throat- your voice has changed πŸ™‚

    • Hi Roy,

      Depending on the season and the time of day, my voice can sound a little raspy. Scorching summer temperatures seem to be the biggest culprit.

      Thank you for verifying these kinds of lead generators are all over the web!

      Some of the least effective opt in offers are ones like “Subscribe to my newsletter”, “Sign up for my monthly ezine”, or “Get my posts in your inbox”. May have worked back in the 90’s but not by today’s standards.

      When it comes to lead generators, the competition in almost any given niche is fierce. The name of the game is to outshine the next guy!

      Thanks for your input,